Salvation
by awesomesauce101
Summary: Dean's never liked talking about feelings. But as always, he's willing to make an exception for Cas.


**So you guys know that scene where Dean and Cas are talking and Cas says that he can't go home because if he sees what he did he might kill himself? That scene just broke my heart into tiny pieces and dammit, Sam, I love you, but why did you have to barge in and ruin everything? **

**Anyway, this is a short one shot, but it's how I wished the scene would've gone.**

* * *

Dean's never been one for talking about his feelings. Talk to anyone who knows him and they'll be able to tell you his strict 'no chick flick moments' policy. But just like with everything else, he makes an exception for Cas.

He can tell, as the angel rummages through their things while sitting on his bed, that something's wrong. Cas won't talk about it, not without some prompting on Dean's part, at least. He knows that face, he knows what it's like when you have to mask your pain for others' benefit. He's done the same for Sam and Cas so many times that he's lost count. But Cas is his best friend and Dean'll be damned if he can't at least make some attempt to help him.

When Cas says that he can't go back to Heaven, Dean correctly assumes that it's because his brothers and sisters probably have a pretty big bounty on his head. But that's not the main contributing factor.

"Because if I see what's become of Heaven, what I made of it, I'm afraid I might kill myself."

The words make Dean's heart clench in his chest and it's like he can't breathe. The thought of Cas resorting to suicide is one he can't entertain for long without having the urge to throw up. Cas stares at him, looking lost and so sad. Dean's never seen him like this before and he can't take it. Before even thinking about what he's doing, he reaches across the gap between their beds and places one of his hands over Cas'.

"Don't...," he stops, taking a breath and trying to reign his emotions in.

"Don't say that ever again," he says, squeezing Cas' hand tightly, like he's afraid the angel might disappear on him. When Cas doesn't leave, he moves over so he's sitting next to Cas and pulls him into a hug. For a second, Cas is as still as a statue and then he unfreezes and wraps his arms around Dean. He's thankful that Cas isn't human, because he's pretty sure that if he were, then he'd probably be hurting him with how tightly he's holding him.

It's stupid that he's never realized until now how much the angel means to him. It's the thought of him leaving, of never seeing him again, that really strikes home for him. He can't lose Cas. He needs him like he needs air.

"I can't imagine what you're going through and I won't pretend to, but please, don't say that."

"It would be better that way," Cas mumbles.

"No, it wouldn't be. I know the angels aren't too fond of you right now, but there are still people that care about you, people that love you."

"Like who?" he says with a humorless, pained laugh.

"Like me."

He pulls back a fraction, just enough so he can look into Cas' eyes. They're filled with unshed tears and when he blinks they spill over. And with that, it's like the dam's been broken and Cas clings to him again like a life preserver.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry."

Dean catches the words between Cas' sobs and he doesn't care if his suit is going to be ruined. He just hugs Cas as tightly as he can, murmuring soothing words into his ears while he cries himself out.

It's at that point of course, that his giant of a brother decides to stumble in unannounced, holding a folder and starting off with some information that probably pertains to the hunt and Dean could care less about. His voice trails off when he sees the wreck of an angel crying into Dean's shoulder. He gets that ridiculous puppy dog eyed look before mouthing an apology to Dean and leaving them alone again. The older hunter can't find it in himself to be embarassed or anything of the sort. All that matters is Cas and he goes back to talking to him softly until the crying subsides.

"I let you down. How can you love me when I've done so much wrong?" Cas asks, head still tucked close to Dean's shoulder.

"Because you still love me after everything I've done. And because I'm selfish. I love you too much to let you go."

Dean figured out a long time ago that Cas loves him. He's just never had the guts to acknowledge it or the fact that he returns the feelings. But now, he has no problem saying it out loud. Now more than ever, Cas needs to hear that someone loves him, that someone needs him and who might possibly forgive him in the future. Dean knows that what Cas did was horrible, but he's done some pretty horrible things for the people he loves too. And sometimes, like with Cas, things get out of control and he needs someone to save him from himself. He needs someone like Sam or Cas, who love him more than he deserves. The angel has saved him so many times and now, he thinks, it's his turn.


End file.
